Last week was the first time I hear the voice of my six and a half year old son I last saw in February of 2003, other than in my dreams.
He was teaching layla how to use an app, and I was in my bedroom.
For the first time I hear that voice, in the manly voice of his 19 year old self.
“He is here, he is Home”.
Some part of me is still longing for my six and a half year old and 4 year old sons.
As I am certain some part of them is looking for the thirty year old woman they last saw in 2003.
I have lost touch with that woman.
She sometimes, rarely now, wakes me up in the middle of the night.
She comes in peace,
And leaves in peace.
Two nights ago my son walked into my room,
“What are you reading mom?”
This book was a gift from a dear friend.
Read it a while back.
Took it out looking for one poem, three lines.
I closed the book to show him what I was reading.
“Ten poems to open your heart?
“You have changed in so many ways mom,
But one thing is still the same,
Your open heart”
Then jokingly he added,
“You should be reading another book ,
Ten poems to close your heart!”
Laughed and walked back to his studying.
I have come to peace with the fact that I’ll be living the rest of my life with this longing for the two I last saw 13 years ago.
The two GREAT young men I have in my life now are treasures.