On a scale from 1 to 10? 50 !

He was a little over 4 years old the last time I saw him.
The last time I saw him was on a frigid Sunday early afternoon in February of 2003. Driving away to spend the rest of the weekend with his daddy.
He looked at me and smiled.
They both did, my older son too.
For as long as I live I will not forget the feeling that took over me as the car drove off. The car moved in the slowest slow motion and allowed me to look into their eyes.
Some part of me knew very well what was about to take place.
I didn’t though,
I didn’t know that I will not see them for another 9 years and almost 9 months.

The time I have spent with this one since I finally found them in 2012 is hardly 3 months put togather.

He is here for a little over 2 weeks, winter break.

He came a week ago.
Every morning after my husband leaves to work, he walks into my bedroom to sleep next to me.

It’s one thing when a woman looks around and catches a man looking at her then quickly looking away thinking she didn’t notice. It is a whole other thing when that young man is her son!

I’m in my bed right now, and he is in a deep sleep right next to me.
My daughter came in, saw that, didn’t want to disturb him.
So she’s in her sleeping bag on the


Since we have been reunited he has told me on multiple occasions that he has no recollection of me what so ever.

My older son took me to the side more than once and said not to believe that for a second, that his younger brother always spoke of me when they were alone.

Last night, as my husband and I were cooking dinner, my younger son accidentally let a piece of memory come out.

“Oh so you remember me?”

“I remember the colored Smarties in your hand, I remember your hands”

On a scale from 1 to 10, how …….. is it stopping myself from spooning him and hugging him so tight to make up for all the lost times? 50!

Can I put my ……. in words?


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6 Responses to On a scale from 1 to 10? 50 !

  1. Strength! There is always more than we know. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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